So 2008 comes to an end and I take a deep breath and wait to see what life throws at me in 2009. Okay cancer is one battle,chemo a totally different battle but a brain haemmorage for goodness sake, because that is exactly what happened next, is a completely different kettle of fish.
January 17th started like any normal day. Went shopping,cooked dinner,watched some tv and went to bed about 11pm and that is when the headache from hell 'landed' 'erupted' one minute I was fine the next I was literally holding my head up to go to the bathroom. Standing at the sink I remember wondering why my left leg was shaking . . . . and then I was sitting sideways in the bath, legs hanging over the side being violently sick!
I felt too weak to try and scramble out of the bath and my voice what voice,couldnt seem to shout and despite hubby being asleep in the next room he carried on snoring. Lets face it ladies a lot of our other halves would sleep through the ceiling falling down! Rachael was the only other person in the house and her bedroom was downstairs. This is where our scary (not,unless you are another dog) staf Daisy came into play barking non stop until Rach got up and came to my rescue again. Funny that I didnt want the damn dog as we had cats but thats another story.
Okay having been helped out of the bath Rachael decided to phone an ambulance, we werent sure if this was just a delayed reaction to chemo, but I hadnt had any for 3 months or maybe the neutropenia hadnt quite sorted itself. Fast response medic arrived and everything seemed spot on,temperatue normal,blood pressure ok so what was going on. He asked if I wanted to go and see a doctor at hosp and I thought perhaps I should. Had I not gone to the hosp, laid down and gone to sleep who knows.
I can remember talking to the ambulance crew, nurse at the hosp and then I woke up in a hosp bed a drain in my back,wires and tubes everywhere. Imagine my suprise to find it was friday evening, nearly a whole day lost. Lots had happened none of which I can remember including having coils fitted to stop the bleed.I had suffered a subarachnoid haemorrage. 33% of people dont make it,33% have lasting damage such as memory loss and 33% walk away virtually unscathed. Luck on my side again? I just know I had once again faced my own mortality.
The rest of the year passed fairly uneventfully apart from the birth of grandson number three. I wasnt allowed to drive for 6 long and frustrating months, a small price to pay. Incidentally I will introduce you to the rest of the family in another edition!!
Oh hell here comes 2010 and this time I face it head held high, not literally like a year ago! I had to be ready for anything life had ready for me. Come on then I shouted come and get me Im ready. Oh buggar it did a scan in April showed a new lesion on my right lung. After the usual appointments my lung consultant decided I was a good candidate for RFA(Radio Frequency Ablation) in his words lets fry this one out . . nice!.So in June, the same week as previous hospital ventures,I was in and out of hosp in three days how amazing and hardly any recovery time. The only downside I dont like about RFA is there isnt any sample for histology but would still recommend to anyone. Oh and also became nan to two more grandsons this year.
Are you bored yet because here comes 2011, last year and you guessed it scan showed another lesion in right lung. RFA? No to near the edge of lung so in August another thoracotomy, not going to go over all the ins and outs just that they had to reopen the old scar and yes it bloody hurt!! Histology came back . .malignant.My oncologist wanted to start chemo again but a PET scan had shown hot spots between right lung and ribs. Eventually after much toing and froing my consultant decided to 'get in there and have a look' and 4 days before Christmas he did just that opening the same scar which he had so carefully patched up four months earlier. Finding nothing strange wahoo! However this ment I had missed the six week window for chemo oh dear thats a shame!!
So there we are. Its now 2012 and two clear scans and a clear colonoscopy so far. Just waiting for scan results again. Question is can I actually have a surgery free year??
Friday 31 August 2012
Monday 27 August 2012
2007 and beyond
New Years Eve 2006 came and 2007 crept in quietly. It found me hoping,wanting this to be a better year than the last two. Of course both life changing events losing my dad closely followed by bowel cancer had been out of my hands so I had to pick myself up brush myself down and get on with life! I cant remember exactly when I had a CT scan but there were no signs of the cancer returning wahoo but (of course there is a but) my consultant was concerned that I now had an umbilical hernia and would need surgery to repair it . . oh goodie! He explained they would use mesh to close the hole in abdominal wall, simple operation (?). Just into hospital for two nights simples!! So in answer to the question would I be going back to work . . . no not yet.
Now you are probably becoming aware that life has a habit of throwing curve balls my way and here comes another. Date for hernia op arrives June 7th thats ok, yes but (another but) my husband Colin has been taken ill with pneumonia and admitted to hospital the same week!! This ment my poor daughters visiting both parents in different wings of the hospital at the same time. Obviously I was home after a couple of days and as simple as the op might have been my nicely healed scar from original surgery had to be reopened and it was bloody painful. I wish I had taken a picture of the bruise it caused because believe me it was as big as a side plate!
Okay so both 'patients' are home and recovering. You might remember from my first blog post that I was born in 1957 which ment that I, and Colin were coming up 50. Yes I hear you say party time,wrong! Duck here comes another curve ball, Colin went for a follow up chest scan and it revealed a tumour in his left kidney. A few weeks later he had the kidney removed.
Right lets move on a few months and here comes 2008 and again Im wondering if this year will see me back to full strength and back to work. The answer is simple no! A scan in April shows 2 lesions on my right lung have grown but the one on the left has stayed the same. So here we go again after appointments with my oncologist and thoracic consultant it is decided surgery followed by more chemo.June 8th a year after hernia op Im back in for lung re-section or thoracotomy. Now my consultant told me this was a difficult op to recover from (arent they all) he wasnt wrong! To me the worst part was the drain and especially having it removed, as no doubt anyone who has experienced this will tell you. When I went home had to sleep sitting sideways on the sofa as I couldnt lay down, but of course it got easier and in time was up and mobile again just in time to start chemo. Different regime this time Oxaliplatin and Capecitabine. The oxy was an infusion every 3 weeks followed by the cape as tablet at home. The side effects arent good, peripheral neuropathy is horrible tiny electric shocks in fingers,hands,toes and feet especially when touching something cold. It also makes you feel like your throat is closing and makes it difficult to talk, several times my chemo nurse had to give me warm drinks to ease this. I needed a blood transfusion and had to miss chemo a couple of times because blood count was so low. In november my chemo nurse told me to watch my temperatue as she was worried about white cell count and that I should go straight to A&E if it was too high. Guess what two days later found me in an ambulance heading to hosp and subsequently admitted with neutropenia. My white cell count was dangerously low, a very pleasant (not) doctor told me it was lucky I had gone to hosp as it was possible my organs were on the verge of closing down!?! So any visitors had to wear gloves and aprons as I was at risk of infection. Anyway I was home for Christmas and New Years Eve was on its way so third time lusky maybe?
Off course not, little did I know my biggest challenge yet was about to happen!!
Now you are probably becoming aware that life has a habit of throwing curve balls my way and here comes another. Date for hernia op arrives June 7th thats ok, yes but (another but) my husband Colin has been taken ill with pneumonia and admitted to hospital the same week!! This ment my poor daughters visiting both parents in different wings of the hospital at the same time. Obviously I was home after a couple of days and as simple as the op might have been my nicely healed scar from original surgery had to be reopened and it was bloody painful. I wish I had taken a picture of the bruise it caused because believe me it was as big as a side plate!
Okay so both 'patients' are home and recovering. You might remember from my first blog post that I was born in 1957 which ment that I, and Colin were coming up 50. Yes I hear you say party time,wrong! Duck here comes another curve ball, Colin went for a follow up chest scan and it revealed a tumour in his left kidney. A few weeks later he had the kidney removed.
Right lets move on a few months and here comes 2008 and again Im wondering if this year will see me back to full strength and back to work. The answer is simple no! A scan in April shows 2 lesions on my right lung have grown but the one on the left has stayed the same. So here we go again after appointments with my oncologist and thoracic consultant it is decided surgery followed by more chemo.June 8th a year after hernia op Im back in for lung re-section or thoracotomy. Now my consultant told me this was a difficult op to recover from (arent they all) he wasnt wrong! To me the worst part was the drain and especially having it removed, as no doubt anyone who has experienced this will tell you. When I went home had to sleep sitting sideways on the sofa as I couldnt lay down, but of course it got easier and in time was up and mobile again just in time to start chemo. Different regime this time Oxaliplatin and Capecitabine. The oxy was an infusion every 3 weeks followed by the cape as tablet at home. The side effects arent good, peripheral neuropathy is horrible tiny electric shocks in fingers,hands,toes and feet especially when touching something cold. It also makes you feel like your throat is closing and makes it difficult to talk, several times my chemo nurse had to give me warm drinks to ease this. I needed a blood transfusion and had to miss chemo a couple of times because blood count was so low. In november my chemo nurse told me to watch my temperatue as she was worried about white cell count and that I should go straight to A&E if it was too high. Guess what two days later found me in an ambulance heading to hosp and subsequently admitted with neutropenia. My white cell count was dangerously low, a very pleasant (not) doctor told me it was lucky I had gone to hosp as it was possible my organs were on the verge of closing down!?! So any visitors had to wear gloves and aprons as I was at risk of infection. Anyway I was home for Christmas and New Years Eve was on its way so third time lusky maybe?
Off course not, little did I know my biggest challenge yet was about to happen!!
Thursday 23 August 2012
The Next Chapter
So its 1979 I've packed my bags and moved to London.Leaving Worthing was easy I didnt want to live in a small sleepy seaside town where apparently people moved to retire/die and forget why they went there! However leaving my dad was difficult but I knew he was being well looked after as a lovely lady called Ann had moved in with us not long after we had moved.
Right fast forward to 2005 I'm happy working as an administrator in a busy bingo club. Dad had phoned to tell me hospital had recommended that he would be better off in a wheelchair as using crutches was putting a strain on his heart. I had a funny feeling about this.
A few months later my stepmum,dad had remarried a few years ago after living alone for sometime after Ann had passed away,phoned to say dad had been admitted to hospital. The next day I headed off to Worthing to visit him. To say I was shocked when I saw him would be an understatement. Two days later another phone call to tell me dad had lapsed into a coma. I headed back the next day and stayed with him only leaving the hosp to eat, bath or just have a walk on the sea front, sleeping in a chair by his side. I was holding his hand as he took his last breathes. It felt like my world had stopped. My dad was gone.
After the funeral and a short break on Portland where dad had been born I returned to work. I wasnt worried when I started to lose weight and feel tired Losing dad,stress at work what else could it be. However I was concerned about a nagging pain in my abdomen and in Nov went to see my GP, he said he could feel 'a blockage' and referred me to the coli-rectal team at Kings.
I never made it to the appointment! In feb 2006 I started to feel really unwell and went sick from work. I dont remember much about the few days I was at home in bed except feeling really sick and not being able to eat. On sunday Feb 19th,the day before my coli-rectal appointment,my daughter phoned an ambulance.I was so weak and vomitting a thick black goo! I think she probably saved my life!
The next few days are a blur of tests, from a CT scan I was told it was possibly my appendix,another doctor came and said although everything in that area looked swollen and distended it wasnt my appendix. On wednesday 22nd I had a colonoscopy in the morning and that evening was taken to theatre for investigatory surgery.Thats when they found the tumour in the right side of my bowel, a T3 tumour, yes a tumour.
So there I was watching this poor woman lying in a hospital bed,tubes and wires attached to her. She looked like she was in so much pain. That afternoon her family came to visit and it finally dawned on me that it was me lying there. I wont dwell on the time spent recovering.
At my post op check up I was told it had been a malignant tumour, hang on I had cancer no wait it was gone they had taken it away. What the nurse said next scared me more . . chemotherapy for 6 months.I went home and sobbed.
In April I started 5FU, a quick injection every day for 5 days then 3 weeks off. Then came the side effects mouth ulcers, sickness, diarrhoea, stomach cramps. I was admitted to hospital 3 times for dehydration. Then it was September and it was finished. With money dad had left me I bought a new car to celebrate.Then set about getting myself fit enough to go back to work . . . . but would I make it back to work???
Right fast forward to 2005 I'm happy working as an administrator in a busy bingo club. Dad had phoned to tell me hospital had recommended that he would be better off in a wheelchair as using crutches was putting a strain on his heart. I had a funny feeling about this.
A few months later my stepmum,dad had remarried a few years ago after living alone for sometime after Ann had passed away,phoned to say dad had been admitted to hospital. The next day I headed off to Worthing to visit him. To say I was shocked when I saw him would be an understatement. Two days later another phone call to tell me dad had lapsed into a coma. I headed back the next day and stayed with him only leaving the hosp to eat, bath or just have a walk on the sea front, sleeping in a chair by his side. I was holding his hand as he took his last breathes. It felt like my world had stopped. My dad was gone.
After the funeral and a short break on Portland where dad had been born I returned to work. I wasnt worried when I started to lose weight and feel tired Losing dad,stress at work what else could it be. However I was concerned about a nagging pain in my abdomen and in Nov went to see my GP, he said he could feel 'a blockage' and referred me to the coli-rectal team at Kings.
I never made it to the appointment! In feb 2006 I started to feel really unwell and went sick from work. I dont remember much about the few days I was at home in bed except feeling really sick and not being able to eat. On sunday Feb 19th,the day before my coli-rectal appointment,my daughter phoned an ambulance.I was so weak and vomitting a thick black goo! I think she probably saved my life!
The next few days are a blur of tests, from a CT scan I was told it was possibly my appendix,another doctor came and said although everything in that area looked swollen and distended it wasnt my appendix. On wednesday 22nd I had a colonoscopy in the morning and that evening was taken to theatre for investigatory surgery.Thats when they found the tumour in the right side of my bowel, a T3 tumour, yes a tumour.
So there I was watching this poor woman lying in a hospital bed,tubes and wires attached to her. She looked like she was in so much pain. That afternoon her family came to visit and it finally dawned on me that it was me lying there. I wont dwell on the time spent recovering.
At my post op check up I was told it had been a malignant tumour, hang on I had cancer no wait it was gone they had taken it away. What the nurse said next scared me more . . chemotherapy for 6 months.I went home and sobbed.
In April I started 5FU, a quick injection every day for 5 days then 3 weeks off. Then came the side effects mouth ulcers, sickness, diarrhoea, stomach cramps. I was admitted to hospital 3 times for dehydration. Then it was September and it was finished. With money dad had left me I bought a new car to celebrate.Then set about getting myself fit enough to go back to work . . . . but would I make it back to work???
Friday 10 August 2012
Where it All Began
Ok here goes finally getting started with my blog. I have read some blogs and dont know how mine will match up, but then again this is me and you are you! I have decided to give you a quick look at my life before bowel cancer so I hope youre sitting comfortably and I will begin.
The story begins over half a century ago (yes Im that old) when I was born by C section to loving parents George and Winnie. Sadly they had lost 3 babies all stillborn before I came along.
We lived in the seaside town of Worthing,West Sussex in a lovely bungalow called Faraway in Princess Avenue sounds like a fairytale name doesnt it!
I had a good childhood, probably thought of by some as a spoilt brat but I look on it as being loved by two wonderful people.
However that all ended in 1967 a few months before my 10th birthday when mum lost her battle with ovarian cancer. Of course I didnt know then any details just that suddenly after being in hospital for so long she wasnt ever coming home.
Well thats ok I hear you say you still have your dad which is true, but if only it was that simple. My wonderful dad was War blind and disabled so unable to care for me. My maternal grandparents had been staying with us but they had to go back to their own home in Stoke-on-Trent. Dad was fortunate to have the backing of St Dunstans, a wonderful charity for war blinded vetarans, and they arranged for a live in housekeeper.Had we not had that option I dont know where I would have gone or how my life would have turned out.
The next thing I couldnt understand was why we had to move. It was only a two bedroom bungalow so obviously now not suitable for us.I didnt want to leave Faraway I still hoped that maybe mum would walk back through the door and it had all been a big mistake. I didnt want to leave the only home I knew, the memories, the big garden, my friends.
The next few years passed quickly, I left school at 16 to start work and at 21 moved to London to work for Mecca bingo and another chapter in my life started.
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