A few days ago my consultant phoned to tell me the bone scan was clear. Oh Yes!! Clear apart from trauma to my ribs?
I havnt told you about that! At last appointment with lung consultant when he was ordering the bone scan the conversation went something like this:
Doc "I will order a bone scan to be on the safe side but I know what it will show"
Me (slightly nervous) "You do"
Doc "Yes it will show trauma to your ribs where I had to break one or two during your surgeries"
Me " Really I didnt know about that"
Doc "If I had told you before surgery would you still have wanted the ops?"
Hmm did I have much choice?? It would explain why it was so impossible to lie flat after the ops and possibly why I still have pain in that area!!
Its evident my consultant has a strange sense of humour, while being prepped for surgery a nurse commented on one of my tattoos and he asked had I got one for him erm no! Oh yes he quipped you have a big scar down your back thats my mark!!
Ok so 2 clear ct's,clear colonoscopy and now a clear bone scan so far this year. To say I'm relieved would be an understatement, now I'm starting to believe that maybe just maybe cancer has given up the fight and surrended!Next ct end of November so we will see.
You would think that I should be out celebrating, dancing on tables and not acting my age but the funny thing is I've actually being feeling quite low. Emotions can be so difficult to control sometimes, you work yourself into a frenzy waiting for the results and the possible 'what ifs' and then you are told everything is ok . . . . . great news off course but why then is there a few days when the world seems to carry on around you as though nothing has happened?
Unless you have been in a similar position its hard for someone else to understand. By writing this blog I hope it helps others to realise that all though things might be great physically,emotionally its still hard to come to terms with everything that has or is going on. The fact cancer is not evident right now doesnt mean I'm over it all.
I have days of feeling isolated, of being inadequate because I can no longer do things I used to. I should be able to pick up and play with my grandchildren (not the 10 or 12yr old they are too big!) but I find it difficult. Today I went shopping with my eldest daughter Nikola and her two youngest Ashley who is 2 and baby Ellie 8wks. I held baby as she was crying while Nik was trying clothes on and it hurt!
I curse cancer every time I take a painkiller or look in the mirror and see the scars. I curse the chemo that made me so sick and has left me with neuropathy in my hands and feet.
I read with real happiness that other cancer survivors are going back to work, and I curse cancer for making me unable to return to a job I loved.
This is why I have volunteered to help Beating Bowel Cancer help raise awareness of this awful disease, to make people aware bowel cancer doesnt care how old you are,how rich or poor or where you live. By hopefully being able to give support to people that are just starting their cancer journey.
Beating Bowel Cancer and Bowel Cancer Uk aim to get the word out on to the street and so do I!!
Thursday 20 September 2012
Wednesday 12 September 2012
Pitfalls, Picc lines and Pampering
So here we again waiting for yet more results!!
If you have read my previous blogs you will have met the evil villain of my story namely Bowel cancer and his 'off springs' lung mets. Today I had a bone scan, although Im staying positive the wait for these results is making me more nervous. Why? Well IF something is found it will probably mean chemo for me and I dont want to think about it any further.
I have been told off for leaving bits out of my earlier blogs. There are things I didnt want to talk about mainly because I still have days when its hard to comprehend everything that has happened. It has taken me a long time to say the word and admit I had/have cancer. Yes after all all its just a 6 letter word starting with C like camera or carrot, but its a much bigger word if you have been affected by it. So lets all say it together C A N C E R cancer!! A phone call earlier this year changed my life but I will come to that later,
Right bits that I left out that are mentionable. The best bits first. Im sure you will all agree one of the worst things about recovering from surgery is not being able to shower or wash your hair. After my first op my daughter Stacey decided to take matters in her own hands and wash my hair. So we waddled of to the shower, that is I did she walked normally! Now if you have had abdominal surgery its difficult to bend over or lean back so there I am sitting in a chair with Stacey trying in vain to not wet anything but my hair! Hmm I think she got wetter than me in the process!
Then there are those little jobs like cutting toe-nails and shaving legs. Rachael doesnt like my feet and doesnt hide the fact so when it came to these tasks she wore rubber gloves,no not the same ones used for washing up. Another time she thought it would be nice for me to have a bubbly foot spa, warning dont put too much foam bath in a foot spa, yes there was bubbles everywhere!!I have to add that as the only daughter at home she has had the dubious pleasure with helping me wash on many occasions. She has also become a dab hand at wound cleaning, dressing changing and picc line flushing!! On the subject of picc lines when I had mine 'installed' what a to do that was. The chemo nurse said it wouldn't take long, but over an hour later 3 failed attempts in my left arm it was put in the right arm. Off course thats not the end of it, although I didnt like some have a problem with the line itself, I became allergic to every form of dressing they put on it so it was held in place purely by the bandage!
As for the pitfalls along the way it was never my intention to make my blog all doom and gloom so for that reason Im not going to tell horror stories about chemo side effects or surgeries. End of that. Similarly I dont want peoples sympathies, yes Ive been through a lot but who hasnt? Anyone who has been affected by bowel cancer,personally as a carer or losing a loved one has been to hell and back. Many still are :(
Back to the phone call earlier this year. One of my specialist nurses rang to ask if I would like to go to a patients day. After much deliberation Rachael and I went. The day was being run by a wonderful charity called Beating Bowel Cancer and I havnt looked back since (well maybe on the odd bad day). I have met some amazing people and their families. Been to some amazing fundraising events and intend going to many more! Oh and Im not embarrased to say bum or poo in public anymore!!
If you have read my previous blogs you will have met the evil villain of my story namely Bowel cancer and his 'off springs' lung mets. Today I had a bone scan, although Im staying positive the wait for these results is making me more nervous. Why? Well IF something is found it will probably mean chemo for me and I dont want to think about it any further.
I have been told off for leaving bits out of my earlier blogs. There are things I didnt want to talk about mainly because I still have days when its hard to comprehend everything that has happened. It has taken me a long time to say the word and admit I had/have cancer. Yes after all all its just a 6 letter word starting with C like camera or carrot, but its a much bigger word if you have been affected by it. So lets all say it together C A N C E R cancer!! A phone call earlier this year changed my life but I will come to that later,
Right bits that I left out that are mentionable. The best bits first. Im sure you will all agree one of the worst things about recovering from surgery is not being able to shower or wash your hair. After my first op my daughter Stacey decided to take matters in her own hands and wash my hair. So we waddled of to the shower, that is I did she walked normally! Now if you have had abdominal surgery its difficult to bend over or lean back so there I am sitting in a chair with Stacey trying in vain to not wet anything but my hair! Hmm I think she got wetter than me in the process!
Then there are those little jobs like cutting toe-nails and shaving legs. Rachael doesnt like my feet and doesnt hide the fact so when it came to these tasks she wore rubber gloves,no not the same ones used for washing up. Another time she thought it would be nice for me to have a bubbly foot spa, warning dont put too much foam bath in a foot spa, yes there was bubbles everywhere!!I have to add that as the only daughter at home she has had the dubious pleasure with helping me wash on many occasions. She has also become a dab hand at wound cleaning, dressing changing and picc line flushing!! On the subject of picc lines when I had mine 'installed' what a to do that was. The chemo nurse said it wouldn't take long, but over an hour later 3 failed attempts in my left arm it was put in the right arm. Off course thats not the end of it, although I didnt like some have a problem with the line itself, I became allergic to every form of dressing they put on it so it was held in place purely by the bandage!
As for the pitfalls along the way it was never my intention to make my blog all doom and gloom so for that reason Im not going to tell horror stories about chemo side effects or surgeries. End of that. Similarly I dont want peoples sympathies, yes Ive been through a lot but who hasnt? Anyone who has been affected by bowel cancer,personally as a carer or losing a loved one has been to hell and back. Many still are :(
Back to the phone call earlier this year. One of my specialist nurses rang to ask if I would like to go to a patients day. After much deliberation Rachael and I went. The day was being run by a wonderful charity called Beating Bowel Cancer and I havnt looked back since (well maybe on the odd bad day). I have met some amazing people and their families. Been to some amazing fundraising events and intend going to many more! Oh and Im not embarrased to say bum or poo in public anymore!!
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